Poor kids

Imagine going through life bearing the name Princess Tiaamii Andre. Because that's the name that animated blow-up doll Jordan and her husband Peter Andre have chosen for their newborn child.

Still, I suppose it's arguably preferable to being called Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily Hutchence, as Michael Hutchence and Paula Yates named their daughter.

Thankfully, however, the efforts of a couple in New Zealand to inflict the unutterably awful name 4Real Wheaton upon their son were blocked by officials. The imaginative Mr and Mrs Wheaton are not celebrities - they can't give their children stupid names.

Looking back into the pages of history, one name that springs out of the page is that of the seventeenth century economist Nicholas Unless-Jesus-Christ-Had-Died-For-Thee-Thou-Hadst-Been-Damned Barbon. But at least he was able to call himself plain Nicholas Barbon. There will be no such escape for Princess Tiaamii.